Good-bye cruel world

I am going to die. I am sure of it. I mean we are all going to die eventually, but I think my time has come. I like Miracle Whip. I don't eat a ton of it, I just like it have it every now and then on the occasional sandwich. It adds zip, zest, and I am afraid tonight will be my last zip and zest. You see I was sitting at the table eating dinner. Looking off into space when my gaze settled on the jar of Miracle Whip. More specifically, the experation date. I know I have had the jar a while, maybe 6 months. But when I saw the date, I spit out the food in my mouth and just about died right there. 12 FEB 2007. 12FEB 2007! That was like 6 months ago! Now I know that if you eat something that expired a few days ago, you will most likely just have an upset stomach. But what happens when you eat something that expired 6 months ago? Death. I am sure of it. And that is why I say goodbye. I don't know how long it takes, or how painful it will be. It could be as quick as tonight. Ohh, what is that sharp pain in my side? Most assuredly this will be a painful death. Oh wait, that is Bear poking me with a wooden spoon. Well anyways, I am positive it will come soon. That or I will just be spending my night on the toilet. Either way, I look forward to neither.