Friday, October 23, 2009

Bittersweet

I think that is the word I am looking for. I can't really think of anything else to desribe how I feel right now.
I have lived with my parents for the last ten months. It has been a rough ten months. Not living with my parents, just life in general has been rough. But I have grown. I like to think I have overcome the challenge that was placed before me. I know that it is an on going battle, but I think I am through the worst of it. I survived. I know am a stronger person for it. I still have my battles, but I know that God would not give me anything that he cannot see me out of.
So back to my parents house. It has been wonderful having the support. Bear got his own room. Bug got her own closet. Ha ha. She slept in the walk in closet in my room in her crib. She started out sharing the room with me. But that got old real quick. She would wake up in the middle of the night and instead of soothing herself back to sleep she would see me ten feet away and want to party. So she got her own closet. I love that my kids got to grow closer to my parents and get to know them better. I love the relationship they have now with Nana and Poppop.
But the time has come for me to move back to my house. And even though the house was previously shared with the person that caused the afore mentioned sorrow, I am still ready to go back home. Little more than nine months ago, I could not drive by the house without bursting into tears. I dreaded going to the Island. And yesterday when I went and got the keys and officially took ownership of it again I was so scared that I would not be ready to face it. I was scared that everything I had worked so hard for over the last ten months would just come crashing down on me and I would just be back where I started. But after much prayer, the only thing I felt when I walked in that door yesterday with my kiddos was the wonderful sense of being home. No memories. No bad feelings. Just home. Mine and my kids home. The home that I get to start over in, the home I get to raise my babies in. I look forward to making new happy memories in it for many years to come.
The kids almost lost their minds yesterday when we walked through the door.
"Is this our house mommy?"
"Yes baby. We get to live her now."
And then he proceeded in running through the house with sister right behind him screaming about everything we had.
"Mommy! We have doors! We have lights! We have carpet! We have light switches. We have windows! We have closets! We have a bathroom! We have another bathroom! We have two bathrooms!"
You would think we had been living in a cardboard box the last ten months.
I had brought up toys for them to play with while I painted. They went untouched because the thrill of running like banshees through and empty house took over. They ran almost non stop for nine hours before I finally said enough. It is amazing the noise that two small children can make in an empty house. They explored every inch of that house. Kitchen cabinets included. They are still small enough they could fit in some of them. That made for a fun game of hide and seek.
I got Bears room done and had to stop at Bugs. I am not sure about the color yet. So I am going to wait until her bedding gets here and then make a decision. After I figure out how to get pictures off my cell, I will post them on here.

4 comments:

Kara said...

(0: What a blessing to have you guys back in the hood! May this new chapter in your life be full of sweetness.

Your Maria said...

I LOVE YOU! I am so proud of you. I cannot wait to see what you have done to the place when I get there in less than TWO months!!!

MamaGeph said...

You are one of the strongest people I know. Welcome home. :)

Lawanda said...

Bless your heart. ♥